Telling the insanity and bearing my heart

Hey everyone!

Its now Tuesday and I was pretty much at a dead run from Saturday morning till today. I'm talking like I swear I was an assistant for Oprah all while being chased by zombies I had so much to do so quickly. so I'm sorry for the days and morning coffees with you all I've missed.

As for now, here I sit with my littlest one in dream land already, and hanging out with my sweet 3 year old. As I've said before, I completely understand the "mother before friend" thing, but man she is my little best friend.

So my weekend consisted of paying bills until I thought they'd confiscate the socks right off my feet and latte right outta my mouth. Then proceeded to buy little girls clothes and shoes because they decided to grow at exactly the same paycheck.....conveniently. But hey at least they're on the same page with each other rather than being on separate ends of the book entirely.

We then moved on laundry which I swear must have looked like I was doing octo-moms with the amount I had (I was a few weeks behind, especially not having a w/d where I live). Got through that, a few delicious tacos from my favorite taco stand nearby and it was back home to pointlessly but importantly put little girl clothes on hangers even though they go through approximately 9 outfits a day, and that's without "dress up".

A deep breathe later it was off to the grocery store for monthly grocery shopping. After an hr or so, a hundred thoughts of if I got everything, and 452 toddler fits because life sucks and I cannot buy the whole store for her later, it was a printed 3 ft receipt and back home to sit and stare at all the bags
Trying to get myself to get up and put it all away.

I was considering getting a 5 hr energy shot I.V. put into my arm but somehow determination and the ocd of having it so cluttered took over and it was complete.

We then proceeded to dinner, cleaning the rest of the house, little kid baths with fun color tabs, and two consecutive horrible nights sleep brought us to Monday morning. In which I had to be at an appt with my daughter by 8 am (mind you we usually crash till 9/10 because from 4 am till then my 3 month old sleeps straight through)
so we dropped the littlest one with the babysitter so bundling her up like we live in Alaska wouldn't be necessary, and I could deal with just one cranky girl on the way (I'm meaning me by the way). Finished that came home, and told myself I would veg the rest of the day....or week but ended up deep cleaning my house. Brilliant.

Ok, so this brings is through Monday now to Tuesday.

Another rough nights sleep, and a strong pot of coffee in the morning. But today was simple and beautiful. I lightly cleaned, made a great dinner, and as the baby slept, made candy necklaces and played secret agents with my daughter :) it was just what I needed. That beautiful, cuddling slow down.

And as I sit hear trying to burn this perfect image of my daughter playing and how beautiful imagination and innocence is, I think about how it is to be a mom. This incredible, hard, amazing, draining, memorable, beautiful puzzle that is motherhood. I'm not going to go into the whole "motherhood is 24/7 blah blah" all I'm saying is these little amazing souls don't come with a manual. And although sometimes I've prayed they did so I knew exactly what to do, I've realized the reason they don't. Because through the laughter, tears, milestones, and scrapped knees and heartbreaks both of us learn. She teaches me far more than I could ever her. Its amazing how those beautiful, life filled, loving everything and everyone equally eyes watching you makes you want, no not want, NEED to be a better person. To be everything you can and reach every dream your heart sets, because your setting up their hearts as well.

So my sweet angels, as you wander in your sweet dream lands, I'd rather stay awake and watch you peaceful in this chaotic world, you are my sweet dream. And I'll never understand what I ever did to deserve to meet you. But I won't let whatever blessed me so, regret it. I cherish it all. So tonight I bear my heart to the world, in hopes that maybe it will touch someone elses, and I can write my heart for them all the time....even if that person is you, my little loves, reading these entries and journals of mine, of our story growing up together. Perhaps that's the hearts I want to touch the most.

Goodnight world,
Grateful for another day.
Cheers to coffee in the morning, but do me a favor and hold your treasures a little closer tonight, whoever/whatever they may be.
Their yours for such a short time, and life, well she's a crazy woman, you never know what could happen.

~ Missy